Connecting the Dots

Project managers across Corporate America love using the term "Connecting the Dots". The online slang dictionary defines it as "to figure something out based on multiple pieces of evidence".



Joan Pondering Her Next Move

A couple of nights ago during a visit with Mother, I decided to distract her by engaging her in a game of dominoes. It's funny that I don't remember playing games with her as a child, she never seemed to have the time or desire. However, I've often heard her talk about the bowling alley, playing UNO, stacking dominoes, playing solitaire, Monopoly and other popular card and board games. But, here I sit tonight, with mom, playing dominoes. I suppose it was a good thing for both of us. It allowed me to close some squeaky doors from my past.

Interestingly, as we played, Mother remembered an elementary version of the game, that of connecting the same number of dots and same color of dots to pieces already lined up on the table. She's always been competitive. Looking at the picture on the left, I'm sure you can see just how intent she is on picking just the right domino for her next move. I'm sure we weren't playing by any rules, but neither does Alzheimer's play by any rules.


As she continued the game, her intense focus made me smile. She was able to do what the Electric Company jingle chimes, "One of these things is not like the other."

Distracting my mom these days is becoming more and more difficult. Lately, all she talks about is going home. I gently explain to her (and sometimes not so gently) that where she now lives is her new home. When I say things like that, looks of puzzlement and bewilderment frame her face. She just doesn't connect the dots. And, then the questions come in a line much like the domino game. "Why can't I come home?" "What do you mean I need 24 hour care?" "Do I have to live here the rest of my life?" "I.WANT.TO.GO.HOME!" It doesn't matter how many times I try to explain to mom that she needs 24/7 care, or that the place she now lives is her new apartment, or explaining that you are here because you have Alzheimer's. Each visit I'm faced with the same questions as the times before. My countenance falls and my desire to visit wanes. But, I continue to do the 'right' thing for Mother.

Connecting Dots

To me the most frustrating thing about Alzheimer's is the way it plays havoc with the minds of the patient as well as the primary caregivers and family members. We question our own motives at every juncture. "Am I doing the right thing for my loved one?" "Am I providing the appropriate quality of life?" "Does my loved one really have Alzheimer's?" "What if the diagnosis isn't correct? She seems so 'normal' today." And, on and on and on it goes until our minds begin to question sanity.

Connecting the dots? Where are the multiple pieces of evidence I need for living in the valley of personal confusion? I don't think I'm going to figure that out tonight my friends, but, maybe tomorrow, right after a good night's sleep.